so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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