There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
God I need to hump something, right now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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