How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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