he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
