he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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