Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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