she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
