He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
