he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
