Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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