I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
