i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
