No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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