North Korea, Best Korea!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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