one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
