We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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