K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
