Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
A bitchslap is in order.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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