Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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