guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She needs sedatives and a leash
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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