he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
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