UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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