Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
