Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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