"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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