saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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