Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
FUCK WHALES
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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