My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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