Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
