new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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