i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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