He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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