Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
