I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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