That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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