I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The best revenge is premature balding
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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