i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
