I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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