my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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