Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
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They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.