Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
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Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
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I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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