I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
