i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
