i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
