Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
