You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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