went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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