how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
