It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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