he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
