I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
