so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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