someone threw a dead crab at me
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
