I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
