I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
