so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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