I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
