Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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