He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
