I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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