I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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