I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
