Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
