You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Even my vagina gasped.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
