Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
