is your mom at the bar?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
