A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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