just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
