Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
