Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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