He asked to "fluff my boner.."
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
